Dealing With The Guy Who's Clearly Hiding a Zombie Bite -- powered by Cracked.com
Friday, May 28, 2010
Devil's Rejects is a cleaner and smoother ride for sure. In many ways it's slicker and more concise. It's by far the more “mainstream” of the two. House is a throwback to the scares of the 70s and 80s with some elements that I had completely forgotten about. Together, they make an epic double header.
House proved to have more supernatural elements than I had remembered. Creature people crawling from mud, mad killers with bio-shock mechanics keeping them moving and black magic. The overarching feeling of dread is matched by the feeling that these kinds of people could easily be out there...somewhere...doing horrid things to somewhat nice and clueless people.
Rejects continues the storyline and takes things to a more real place. Less supernatural and more snatched from the headlines in it's feel, Rejects manages to be mean spirited and fun at the same time. People are treated badly, but for some reason, it dodges the realm of cruelty by millimeters. I think it's the way the overall violence is handled. It's still not a movie for the faint of heart.
Spoilers coming. Wait for it....
But why re-watch these films, you may ask.
First, I was one of the people that didn't hate the Halloween remakes, but wasn't thrilled with them either. They were slick and did make an effort to be different and new, but they just didn't “wow” me like I had hoped. You still had Zombie elements, but they seemed out of place. Hillbilly Hipsters lining up for Michael Meyers just seemed boring and so far removed from the suburban terrors of the original that it missed the mark for me. When I heard that there may be a Devils Rejects 2, I was confused.
Here's that spoiler....
They died at the end. They were shot to bits, as they should be, of course. So, how do they come back in Devils 2?
In the end of Devils, “Tiny” heads back into the house of fire after Otis B. Driftwood says, “Ok...we'll be back for you.” It's obvious that Tiny isn't going to last long in a house that's blazing. Otis, Captain Spaulding (the brilliant madman, Sid Haig), and Baby “show my butt” Firefly drive to their doom in a blaze of glory in a scene that is truly reminiscent of some of the old classics like Vanishing Point. It's more obvious in HOUSE, but there's obviously something other worldly about the Fireflys and their ways. They always manage to cheat death, it's just a matter of how now.
I think this could be a fun little exercise of Zombie does it right. I'd love to see a combined effort of scares, supernatural badies and road movie. Can Zombie pull it off? Will he bother trying?
These films are worth a re-watch. Check 'em out!
Monday, May 24, 2010
I guess it serves me right. I keep saying that I want people to try something new and different when making a remake. I was so wrong. This P.O.S. movie is a waste of time, energy and effort. I feel bad for the actors that thought that...maybe...this would be a big break for them. Something special.
Shame on you Michael Altieri and Phil Flores.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
It's funny because even though we're talking about horror here - usually nasty, scary and violent for the most part - this new generation of "torture-porn" doesn't do it for me at all. I usually try to avoid bad mouthing films and stick to the "if you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all" method, however these films bore me to tears. I have nothing invested in them. They also make me kind of angry. Why? I feel like they are talking down to me for one. They also feel a little evil. A lot evil in some cases. Horror to me is like a roller coaster. I strap in for a scary thrill. A what if scenario to get my heart racing. This latest style of cruel horror is like a blunt instrument. There's no substance or style to it.
"Ok...here's the story. There are these hot girls, right? And then they meet these nasty people. The nasty people torture them and sexually assault them...because they have...a thing against girls or something. Doesn't matter. Anyway...they kidnap them and torture them and stuff. There is some nude stuff and blood and screaming. Maybe a room with blooood all over the walls and floor and scary, sharp blood covered things all over. THEN...at the end....they either don't make it when they ALMOST escape...or they kill their captors in some really nasty ways. Crowd cheers. We count our money. Sound good?"
No. No it doesn't, actually. I need plot. I need substance. In the case of Mum and Dad, you have horrid people doing horrid things to people who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but you're given nothing to think about other than getting out of the situation. Why are these people like this? How long has this been going on? Why? I get it to a certain extent. These are nasty things going on under people's noses. In the shadows of a community. Sure, that's creepy, but it's also like setting off fireworks in your living room - not subtle or smart.
I've seen great movies start off in fantastic ways and hold my interest in total only to then fall into this level and loose me. MARTYRS was a fantastic film with some compelling story lines and amazing character development. The first 2/3 of the film was amazing. Then, it stumbles and falls into the pit of torture for the last 1/3 and I was bored and just didn't care anymore.
Give me good plot over horrid games of torture and cruelty any day. Am I getting old? Or, am I just too soft to play in today's horror torture world? If you like this stuff, have at it! There is plenty of it out there for you to enjoy. I'm not suggesting my views are the only ones out there by any means.
Give me bump in the night chills over that crap any day!
This is a must see for fans of horror and horror F/X. Streaming on NETFLIX as of the date of this post, FANTASTIC FLESH takes the viewer on a small journey through the world of special effects make up and the progression of it through the years. While it's not the "end all, beat all" history, it does hit on some major milestones, reviews the changes over the years, and has interviews with some of the heavy hitters of the industry to date including Tom Savini, Dick Smith and Greg Nicotero.
FLESH looks briefly back into the history of makeup effects and the likes of Lon Chaney and Jack Pierce, moves along through past efforts and where things are now, and even has Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, John Landis and Joe Dante give little stories about makeup and F/X in their films.
Check it out!
Ok, I admit it...the zombies were not the only thing that got me to watch this movie. I mean how can you go wrong with zombies plus bikini girl plus school girl costume plus biker girl costume...plus swords and wire work?! It's almost too good to be true.
Yeah...it's too good to be true. :)
Fun for the WTF Factor, but other than that it's rather forgettable.
Unlike the awesome MACHINE GIRL or STACY madness of a while back, this film lacks momentum and drive and seriousness they had. Onechanbara seems to lack heart, if that makes ANY sense at all. In something like Machine Girl, the actors and director seem to know what they are doing, but also seem to make a concerned effort to be the best at making the blood splattered, anime style madness come to life. Onechanbara lacks that and because it does, I really just didn't have the fun I could have had in this.
The pace was wonky, the bikini girl seemed uncomfortable and confused, and the plot was a train wreck.
Some quotes from me when I was watching include several "WTF?" items and a "Why are you fighting i a bikini, boa and cowboy hat, you nutter?" Pretty sexy, however. They even have a sexy zombie style direct rip off of Go Go Yubari from KILL BILL. Again, not enough to seek this film out, honestly.
What works in a video game world isn't always going to translate to a movie, however I do want to seek the game out and play it. It's probably a lot of fun if it mirrors the movie in any way. Playing this would be more fun than just watching it.
If you MUST see this, make sure you have something else to do while watching if you can. A PSP or something. Don't bother reading the subtitles. Hell, even put the horrid dubbing on. Just look up from time to time to see if the bikini girl is walking around or if there is a fight happening. There is some fun wire work and sword action.
Well, I finally saw the much hyped PONTYPOOL and I'm still thinking about it. I'm not sure if I liked it or not. I take that back - I did like it. It was a great movie. I'm not going to say too much about it because it is one of those movies that is far better the less you know about it. I avoided as much talk about it as i could, but I still knew too much.
I will say this - don't expect a zombie movie. At least not like your a-typical, "Romero" zombie film. If you can go in with a blank slate mind, you're better off. Just let the film...do it's thing.
I plan on watching this again in the near future. I need to digest it, mill over it for a few, then watch again to see it with new eyes.
The film is a masterwork of play variety, "lifeboat-style" films. The whole of it takes place in one spot and the acting and direction is fantastic. The sound design is also top notch and made me wish I had that five point sound system I always wanted for it.
Stephen McHattie turns in another great performance. He's one of those actors you've seen, but just have NO idea what his name is or what you've seen him in. I always like him when I see him, however. The other two main characters in the film are Lisa Houle and Georgina Reilly and they both don't have very much under their belts yet acting wise, but do a fantastic job in this feature.
As usual, I wrote down some of my thoughts while watching the goings on over at Radio 660 and looking back on them I can plainly see that I was rather invested in film. There were some moments where I found myself talking to the screen and telling people what they should and SHOULD NOT do which is always a sign that I actually care about what I'm watching. Especially when I wring my hands, laugh and say, "What the F$%#?! What the F*%# is going ON?!" Yeah...I think I was into it.
There is some great storytelling here. I think you should take a look for yourself and then tell me what YOU thought of the film. Film. Film. Thought....of the film. Film. Film. Film. :)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I just saw that SPIDER BABY was available on the http://spiderbabyonline.com site AUTOGRAPHED!
If you have not seen this classic, you must do so at once.
SPIDER BABY is a wondrous film. Lon Chaney turns in an epic performance in one of his final roles. The strange story of a family curse, a house out all by itself, and some extreme family secrets. The crazy abounds! So much fun. Can you spot Sid?
See this before the remake comes out, then avoid the remake! I'm going to pick up the signed DVD FOR SURE!
(1984) Neil Jordan
This 1984 movie still holds up as fairy tale figures move though a magical world. Innocents, morals and growing up play out on the screen with a Brothers Grimm styling. We see dark spaces and strange situations play out beautifully. Wonderful cinematography and sometimes startling visuals speak to us about love lost and virtue at risk. COMPANY is a horror movie and that is it’s base for sure, but it’s beautiful and smart, steering clear of today’s “Set ‘em up, knock ‘em down” style movies of today. Another film that walks the line of dreams, this is a must see if you care about story and visuals and dark fairy tales like that of the Brothers Grimm.
Little girls, this seems to say,
Never stop upon your way.
Never trust a stranger-friend;
No one knows how it will end.
As you’re pretty, so be wise;
Wolves may lurk in every guise.
Handsome they may be, and kind,
Gay, or charming never mind!
Now, as then, ‘tis simple truth—
Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth!
I first heard The Moral in the fantastic film COMPANY OF WOLVES and it was burned into my brain. The tale of the wolf and the little girl takes on several meanings, of course, but as a father the one that strikes me is the cautionary tale:
"Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth!"
My daughter is extremely smart, however I still want her to keep this in mind if she happens to meet a sweet talking stranger.
Hell, I want my SON to keep it in mind as well. I know I do. :)
RUE MORGUE RADIO
Rue Morgue Radio is a fantastic podcast that I am completely in love with. Well, as much as one can love a podcast.
Why is this one that I can listen to for hours a day? (...until I get through the back catalog on the site at least...)
The format. It's fantastic. The show is a mixture of music, interviews and news and has a balance that rocks my world.
First, the podcast host Tomb Dragomir leads us through a few horror-style musical selections. Once we're done rocking along, we get interviews from "Feedback", horror news from Shannnon, the Blood Spattered Guide music news and views with LIISA LADOUCEUR, and then "Feedback" and a guest review some horror based films and media. Horror tunes are laced through the very well produced podcast and the whole of the show is filled with fun movie sound bites that nibble at you throughout.
Horror and music fans will love this podcast. New casts are out every week and, if you're like me, you'll be more than willing to download the high end audio from the back catalog to fill the time between new shows.
In a word: Awesome.
Careful kids, there is adult language and the podcast deals with adult themes and horror. D'uh.
The Horrifically Grand 3D of Horror Artist...
Y O C K
"Japanese school girls take on a disturbing new look in these hauntingly beautiful illustrations by CG artist Yock (Yoshitaka Kawakami)."
Might not be work safe. Yikes.
It's really strange stuff. Some of it is really cool and strikes a true horror cord with me while others...well...make me a little ill.
As art, these are amazing pieces. The style and craft is top notch and there is a lot of talent there. I wonder if they do shampoo ads on the side to make money.
I can still fee the fresh air with that mist in it. The fog blowing in over the water with the sound of the waves crashing in over and over. They never stopped. The air was so clean and the sky was so huge, all filled with fog and mist. So open. The city lights reflected off the fog and everything was filled with a sort of glow. A light.
Now, it’s different. It’s stale and closed in and dark.
The first time I saw it, I thought I was fucking dreaming and didn’t do anything but stare off to where it scuttled off to dumbly. I just watched it leave without doing anything about it. I just went back to sleep. Fucking idiot.
I remember sitting with her and staring up at the fog. I was cold then, but I’d take being twice as cold right now over this.
“So, what was it?” She stirred her coffee and stared at me like she was trying to decide if she was going to smile or frown.
“I don’t know. I think I was just asleep. It didn’t make any sense. It was like friggin E.T. or something. I’m sure I was dreaming. Forget it.” I managed to laugh, but she was reluctant to join me.
“Well, have it looked at. It might be a rat or something.”
A rat or something. Big friggin rat that walked on it’s hind legs. The size of a five year old. Yeah, you might want to get someone in to look at that. If I wasn’t so scared right now, I’d laugh. I’d laugh my ass off.
But, I don’t make a fucking sound.
I can hear it coming closer with small, dragging steps and I keep my mouth shut and try to pull the sheets up around my nose so I can’t smell it’s breath. It smells stale and…like sick. Vomit. I can hear it. Feel it right in front of my face. It breathes on me and stares. I can feel it staring holes in my face, but I keep my eyes closed tight and pretend to sleep. I don’t want to see it. I caught a half glimpse and that was bad enough. Want to scream.
But I stay silent. Still. And I keep my eyes closed shut – pretending to sleep until it goes away.
God…it’s so close. It’s mouth rasps out in little, belching gasps of stench. I can feel the bile churning in my stomach.
I just wish it would go away. Just go away.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away...
When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door... (slam!)
Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away
Looking for a fun "beer and popcorn" movie? Check it!
The trailer is a classic as well. They don't make 'em like this anymore!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Joshua Hoffine is a masterful creator of pure shock and awe terror. The images he produces haunt me. He spends a lot of time and effort making them as well. This isn't just a quick snapshot taken of a person in a mask. These images are tuned and planned and plotted to the point where they are considered "mini-movies" in a single frame.
He's also gotten some flack and hate mail due to the nature and subject matter of some of his images. The use of his daughters in somewhat suggestive situations was fuel for fires of hate, but was planned to get that response. The "boogyman" is a metaphor for sexual predators and someone who is a danger to children. He goes into greater detail in a RUE MORGUE RADIO interview.
Nightmares brought to life any way you...slice it.
He has some amazing BEHIND THE SCENES breakdowns on his Blog.
This video takes the childhood fears we've all felt and translated them into a real world scenerio that shocks and disturbs on so many levels it physically hurts.
This video is NOT easy to watch. Article after article has been written to state that the poor kid in the video wasn't harmed, but you wouldn't know it to look at the video.
Watch the video carefully, however. It all makes sense. The world is a scary place sometimes. Put yourself in the kid's place. Strangers, scary kid shows with wild visuals, and a big world filled with unknowns.
Yikes. I feel this way myself sometimes. Don't you? The Making Of video below made me feel a little better about it, however.
MAKING OF "KIDS"
An oldie but a goodie. Marilyn Manson's BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE video is one of my favorite nightmare videos. Nightmare visuals abound in this kinetic and manic art piece.
The direction of Floria Sigismondi is top notch and helps to make this both a successful music video and a fabulous art piece. There are some more videos worth watching on her website.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Ok...question for you.
What do you get when you take all your childhood fears and traumas and wrap them up in adult fears and dread, THEN tuck them in to a blanket and scares?
You get DAYWALT FEAR FACTORY.
I've tried to watch these little movies alone in the dark. I'm an adult. I've seen massive amounts of horror movies. So many that it really takes a lot to scare and thrill me now. However, Daywalt Fear Factory shorts always manage to send a shiver through me. (Even thinking back on a few right now made me shiver!) These short thrillers strike a nerve that's deeper that my desensitized self is even aware of. There is a fantastic sense of timing that is absent from many internet shorts and even big budget films. DFF is into play, strikes, and slips away like a panther - leaving you shaken and stirred every time.
Take a look at some of my faves and find more at the channel.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
With the original [REC] filmmakers Paco Plaza and Jaume Balagueró delivered a truly insane experience that was of course neutered and changed into a flick called Quarantine here in the States. [REC] 2 expanded on the first one's demonic storyline (really, screw rabies) and delivered a movie that is akin to mixing Doom 3 with The Exorcist. Both flicks were badass, and now word has come that the duo are bringing us two more flicks in the franchise via Filmax called [REC] Genesis and [REC] Apocalypse!
Classic fun for $35.00 ! :)
The classic scene of demonic possession from The Exorcist is recreated in this amazing boxed set. Regan is restrained to the bed in her demonic state, and with the press of a button you activate motorized 360-degree spinning head rotation timed to the famous movie scene along with demonic noises and sounds from the film. This is a must-have for movie and horror collectors and is sure to creep out your friends and family. Window box packaging.
But then there's the other side of me. The side that's filled with WTF rage and drama when I heard that the Japanese shocker RINGU was being remade shot for shot with an all American cast to make it easier to watch. Or, that epic greatness like [REC] was remade within the same year to make it more sales friendly with American audiences. I get it from a financial standpoint, but love it when these efforts fail. In the case of [REC] and Quarantine, they replaced the amazing 90% fresh [REC] with a 58% fresh Quarantine.
The most recent FAIL is the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET flop. It brings a smile to my face that this film slithered into place with a 14% rating on Rottentomatoes.com and scored a 33 while the original scored a 78 on Metacritic.com. Venom flew about this remake like mad. Fans seem to think the effort was ok, yet didn't bring anything new to the table. Worse yet, it left out some aspects of the old film as well.
Now films that are known in the world of horror as classics are being dredged up for remakes like the classic I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE. Not a great film at all, but one that shocked people all the same. There's no way that the remake can come close. It's a different world now.
I have hope, however. There are grand NEW movies being made that capture the spirit of many older films, but offer new stories and better execution. HOUSE OF THE DEVIL had all the earmarks of a film from the late 70s or early 80s, but had an original script. THE CHILDREN was fantastic...and not a remake.
I know remakes have a life of their own and I don't think they will stop even though the fail more often than not. But, I flip flop again when I think about the remake of the CRAZIES and just wish that if people do make remakes, they also make an effort to do them well.
”Haven" centers on a spooky town in Maine where cursed folk live normal lives in exile. When those curses start returning, FBI agent Audrey Parker is brought in to keep those supernatural forces at bay -- while trying to unravel the mysteries of Haven.
Thanks to Dread Central yet again.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Night of the Demon (1957) Jacques Tourneur
I remember watching this movie as a kid with my mom and I still love it. We’d catch it some Saturday afternoon and she’d make popcorn while I’d watch and wait for the demon to show up and rush the screen. An awesome old film that I’ll put on once in a while to recapture some of the innocence of the time. This black and white gem is more suspense and drama than horror. A mystery that sums up movies of its time, Night of the Demon is a great movie to toss on when you want a little creepy nostalgia.
Machine Girl (2008) -Kataude mashin gâru-
Machine Girl Lite (2009) -The Hajirai Machine Girl-
Remember The Road Runner cartoon? Of course you do. Well, MACHINE GIRL and MACHINE GIRL LITE are the live action, Japanese action, deadly schoolgirl versions of the same. These films are candy for the fans of over the top, cartoon style gore and violence. It's so damn silly that the violence becomes second to the pure comedy goodness of the absolutely silly plot and story. It's a hoot.
A schoolgirl named Ami Hyuga has a brother who is being harassed for cash by the son of a violent crime lord. Not being able to take it anymore, he and his good friend kill themselves. She, in turn, goes to seek revenge. However, the yakuza crime lord has many many people on his side and the girl is defeated and....de-armed. Half dead, she goes to seek help from her brother's buddy's parents, but the mother is still grief stricken and wants nothing to do with her until her shop is attacked by some crime lord goons.
The parents of the dead schoolboy create a weapon arm for Ami – a deadly machine gun with a seemingly unending supply of bullets. Together, the mother and Ami go to seek revenge. And so begins the geysers of blood, severed body parts and meat chunk madness that is the beauty of MACHINE GIRL.
This manga inspired cult hit is pure, over the top gore madness that sends gallons of blood streaming over everything and everyone. Insane martial arts and exotic, fantasy weapons take their toll on everyone and everything in the scene.
Drill bras, decapitation chains and lots and lots of bullets make this movie a must see for fans of Japanese gore-gore action and is the best in the group, in my most humble opinion. While the overall is silly and strange, it does have some somewhat decent acting (for what it is) and is well shot and directed. Other movies like it tend to lean toward the “we filmed this in a week” realm and really tend to look even more cheap than they already are.
But, what do you do when you have actors and makeup left over when making a film like this? Why, make an epilogue, of course! MACHINE GIRL LITE/ Shyness Machine Girl is a small short made after filming of MACHINE GIRL ended. Ami's friend finds herself alive again (spoiler!) and needs to defend herself against the yakuza boss and his henchmen. The shop father helps her by making her a special machine gun, however it only becomes available when her shyness peaks. What better way to activate the Shyness Machine Gun (that comes out of your tailbone area, by the way) than to stand around in a bikini or to flash your panties at the bad guys while squealing, “NO! Don't look! I'm SHY!” So very, very bizarre. I love it!
You know you are curious now! Pick up MACHINE GIRL for good, splatter fun and MACHINE GIRL LITE for....well...a girl with a machine gun butt. Ideal for parties!
Machine Girl Trailer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCpSqqPwPDQ
Machine Girl Lite Trailer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhJ_W9Kiz-s
Other films like this include:
Ichi the Killer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haiSf60UsPQ
Tokyo Gore Police - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajMcAyCRwgg
Stacy: Attack of the Schoolgirl Zombies - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX4t8XYJgS0
Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAGMzxhk3Hg
Samurai Princess - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ctXBVbbDWo
Bikini Zombie Slayers (game) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtAghxuu7n0
Thirst (Bakjwi) 2009 Chan-wook Park
Chan-wook Park takes a break from the world of vengeance to slip wondrously into the surreal and mythic with a take on the vampire mythos that struck home for me. Kang-ho Song (The Host) plays Priest Sang-hyeon – a priest who volunteers to be a guinea pig of sorts to help find a cure for a horrid, 100% fatal disease. He survives...but with some truly horrid side effects. When he returns home, he revisits a friend from his childhood and his bride, Tae-joo (played by Ok-vin Kim). The Priest is filled with sinful thoughts at the sight of her. They knew each other as children and a lingering, smoldering ache still exists between them. The Priest used to be able to deal with such thoughts, but now...he longs to give into his desires...his needs...and his thirst.
This film functions on many different levels. If you've seen other Park films, you know that he is very good at mixing the dark with the comedic. This film has some dark moments for sure, but it also has some scenes that are almost slapstick in nature. It's subtle and fun.
It also presents an interesting take on the vampire mythos. What is a vampire? Can they be good or are they too driven by their needs? And, are there humans that are more horrid?
Park mixes the fantastic, magical world of the vampire legend with the incredibly slow lives of humans working day in and day out and going home to people they would rather not see. Ever. Subtle effects usage makes the story believable and beautiful and the writing leaves it open for much interpretation about life, love and friendship.
This is definitely one to watch.
This is sounding more and more nasty. I'll have to see it for sure. The scenes I've seen so far have been so very gross that I have high hopes! :)
'The Human Centipede': Most disgusting movie ever?
The internet is abuzz over a new horror movie that's so determinedly vile it may just set a record. Critics weigh in...unsteadily
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Is it worth seeing? Comment, por favor! :)