VAMPIRE WEEK Movie List

Well, it's VAMPIRE WEEK, but I think TWILIGHT has ruined the vampire experience for me. :)
In an effort to get it back, we're tossing in a BUNCH of movies that you will want to watch to flush the Pattinson out of your mind.

Paranormal Incident - Review

A while back, we posted a trailer for Paranormal Incident and kinda had a giggle about it. NETFLIX has it available for streaming viewing, so I figured I'd toss it on and give it a go.

A few moments into the movie I knew exactly what I was about to see - hungry, young actors and actresses (some willing to bare their...assets...) acting like they are real people in front of the camera...cinema verité style...hunting for ghosts. Yeah...it's kinda awful and it hurts a lot.  Someone saw THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and was aiming for it a little. But...yeah...it's kind of a miss on most of the acting. They memorized their lines and are "acting school"-ing their way through the movie. Onward.

I couldn't spend time watching this film, to be honest. I've seen them before and, when I don't fast forward through, I get SO ANGRY that I wasted time on it. So...fast forward....

• 25 minutes in, we're watching fake, After Effects aged films and hearing more bad dialog done in post. 

• 32 minute mark we're seeing the handheld, night vision camera stuff and hearing noises. 


• 47 minutes in we have a bad fight between a couple. 


I could not spend more time on the film and I just started looking for scary, screaming parts at that point. They were hard to find and a bore when I did stumble onto one.

Then...there is the stringer plot of an interview taking place four days after "the incident" that was a strange, sad X Files play. Even worse, it made the film even more silly and explained nothing.

Poor writing and bad acting can be pulled through if you get other stuff right, but these folks didn't. They have hand held cameras in the hands of the "investigators" and security cameras stationary through the asylum, but somehow we also have footage from the "ghost eyes" of chasing folks down halls and the like that had me wondering "Who the hell is filming THAT footage?"

In short, the lover of genre ghosty films of any kind should watch this, but everyone else should avoid it and watch something else. Maybe THE WOODS or THE HAUNTING or LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE....anything else, really.  :)

Sorry, guys, I was really pulling for a sleeper hit.

Die Antwoord - Baby's On Fire

Die Antwoord does it again with another extremely twisted video. The worlds they create remind me of the Rob Zombie school - hyper real strangeness turned up to 11. Fascinated, I watched as this cartoon madness spun around in front of me.

Fun, freakish stuff. I approve.

 

Chloe Moretz as Scary Girl

Anyone who has seen RINGU or JU-ON or BLACK WATER or...well...you get it...will appreciate this funny little send up on the "Scary Girl with long hair" trope. Chloe Moretz is really a funny kid. :)

Scary Girl with Chloe Moretz from Chloe Moretz

Pet Sematary (1989)

King films like MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE (1986) and SLEEPWALKERS (1992) still make me cringe today. Not because they are scary, but because they are really hard to watch and generally horrible. :) So, why did the 1989 film PET SEMATARY work as well as it did? It was still based on a Stephen King story and had a King screenplay. King even directed Maximum. 

Even though the well respected Mick Garris directed Sleepwalkers, he couldn't save it from the truck wreck of a script he had to work with. Alice Krige couldn't even save that film for me. 

 

Mary Lambert was the key to PET SEMATARY.  I think she got the whole of it - the world it took place in, the players and what was at stake. Loss and death were the main focus of the film and she seemed to take it and run with it. Sadly, she didn't really go on to do more items of note on the horror side of things. SEMATARY II, which I don't recall and a TALES FROM THE CRYPT episode are there, but it looks like she moved on to music videos and B films. I do hope her latest venture - HIGH MIDNIGHT - brings her back into the world of horror direction! (A sheriff teams up with a vampire hunter. Stars Vincent D'Onofrio, Rachael Leigh Cook, and Elizabeth Hurley. Not bad!)

Now, don't get me wrong - this is FAR from a perfect film...even though THE RAMONES did the theme music! :)

We're still dealing with child actors Blaze "I memorized all my lines!" Berdahl and Miko "I'm really too young to understand what a movie even is" Hughes as a backbone to this movie. And, that's really difficult. They are just kid actors and I think you'd agree that more often than not, they are fighting to stay in the movie most of the time and trying not to mug for the camera.  Denise Crosby and Dale Midkiff and fine and do a good job, but Fred Gwynne and Brad Greenquist really steal the show. Their characterizations are fun and so very "King". I enjoyed them immensely. Gwynne is fantastic.

The budget seemed ok and there were some fine effects gags going, but everything seemed a bit...low budget. It may have just been the time this was filmed. Late 80s stylings. (And shoulder pads) 

When the scares come, they don't pull any punches, however. There is gore and there is violence for sure. And, the vision the created to show the horror movie style spinal meningitis victim...:::shiver:::   Rather haunting. The film slices, dices, and plows into several unfortunate folks during its run time and each victim actually means something. It's not just the classic "Set 'em up and knock 'em down" teen movie. These people are loved and it shows. That makes their loss all the more gut wrenching.

The film presents a sad tale of death and how we deal with it. Or, in this case, deal with it badly. That's what makes this film interesting. Louis Creed keeps making the wrong choice. Over and over. Three, to be exact. Each is worse than the last until his luck finally runs out and his bad choices catch up to him. At first, you may say, "That's ridiculous - no one would do that." But I'm sure you know people who have on a lesser scale. Bad choices in jobs of relationships time and time again leading them into troubles they should know to avoid. PET SEMATARY takes that to the extreme, showing just how far some people go to avoid dealing with death. I loved that. 

Far from perfect, PET SEMATARY has enough going for it to make it an enjoyable watch. Especially if you toss it on around midnight...with the lights out. :)

What better way to watch the trailer than through a grab of a VHS tape!

Happy 75th, Golden Gate!

What better way to celebrate the Golden Gate's 75th Anniversary than taking a look at a clip from the 1955 classic It Came From Beneath The Sea?!  The great Ray Harryhausen's Giant Octopus beast attacks our great bridge. Take a look!

Tales That Witness Madness (1973)

Fans of TALES FROM THE CRYPT or CREEPSHOW style horror anthology movies may want to check out TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS. The 70's pace and style may throw some people off, but I found it to have a certain charm - like an old, worn in sweater you toss on when it's cold and rainy outside.

Freddie Francis directed the film and I was happy to see the style carry over from his older films like the freaktastic Girly (1970) - a strange, personal fave of mine -  and the other anthology films he headed up like Tales from the Crypt (1972) and Dr. Terror's House of Horrors (1965). 

The cast includes the talents of Kim Novak, Donald Pleasence and Joan Collins. The English production quality is top notch for the time. We have a classic, two person base to work from as Jack Hawkins visits Pleasence at his asylum to celebrate his recent psychological progress with four mental patients - aka our four stories.  I talk them through in broad strokes.



Mr Tiger
There's nothing stronger than a child's imagination. So creative. So...dangerous. Fighting parents just don't understand a lonely child's need for a companion.

Penny Farthing
Items passed over from an aunt who has passed over prove to be life altering.  And, Uncle Albert proves to be a very bad man.

Mel
"I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree."  A tree found in the woods is looked at as an objet d'art by one and an eyesore by another. Anger, jealousy and fighting ensues. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.  
 
Luau
Rituals of all sorts take place in this, the last tale. Friends, family and gods play a game of chess in this tale of betrayal. You are what you eat.

And the final tale proves to be an interesting one as well. 

Now, this is 1973 and this does seem like a low budget film. However, the stories are fun and the acting works. The "effects" are limited and subtle. In some cases, they are very basic and the eye of the 2012 viewer may be disappointed. I found them to add to the film's charms. That cozy feeling of story wrapping around you and effects not getting in the way.

Mel and Mr. Tiger proved to be the strongest stories for me. The most interesting as well. I saw where Penny Farthing was going, but the various elements that went into it didn't play well together 100% and it made for some disjointed moments. The wrap up was fun, however - it held my interest. Luau was good and dark, but seemed a little long. I would have liked to see some of these stories streamlined a bit, then one more story added to pad it out. I think things would be stronger overall.

If you're looking for a little something that's older and more tame than say SAW, this is for you. Creepy and dark, TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS is a fun 'ole time.